7/18/06

Off the book topic. I just need someone to vent to... someone to listen.

I am 25. I crave funnyons like some people crave crack. I am a social funnyon eater though... I never buy them. Only eat them when they are given to me.

I have a great career going... do I think I make as much as I should? No way but really what 25 year old makes a great amount anyway.

I have a wonderful fiance that beats any other man out of the water when it comes to the water cooler talk during the work day. The typical things women bitch about... he doesn't do. Don't get me wrong I work on the relationship too. Don't think I am the type that is going to sit around and bitch and nag and take for granted everything I get. No. Not me. I cook, I clean, I read books to help the relationship. I sit and listen to him talk and I leave him alone when I know he is pissed off. Need relationship adivce? I have tons of it. I have studied everything from "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus" to "The Five Love Languages" to regular books on how to make relationships (weither spousal or not) work. I like it that way. It is good to feel like an expert at something.

My health is not so good. I have high blood pressure. At 25 that is a big deal, especially since I work out almost daily and I am not over weight. I think of myself as a high stress person. When I drive I could rear end people right and left. I always have to be in the front. I weave in and out. I talk on my cell phone (although minimally) usually on the express way. I am an over acheiver at my job. I do everything I can to make my boss say... "wow". I just started seeing a doctor for the condition and proceeded to take my blood pressure with his thumb on top of the stethoscope. (Instead of hearing my pulse he was hearing the one in his thumb). But how do you correct a doctor? I don't have insurance so my bills are high enough.

I just found out today that my mom has symptoms of a "pre-heart attack" condition. What does that mean? She blows it off with "oh well... I know I am fine." (so thats where I get it from)

I am generally a pretty happy person except today I feel a little more low than usual. Every day I wake up a little slower. I get sick of looking at the same things over and over again. I have started drinking a little bit more. Mostly on Friday and Saturday to overcome the monotonous events that every weekend brings, but now it has drifted into sundays and occasionally a day during the week.

When do we feel complete? When do we feel happy with ourselves. I think I need a hobby. That is what ultimately drove me here. I need help finding something. My book I am writing (or slowly formulating) is about my dream of being famous. I have always felt that just having a little bit of fame would help jolt me out of my humdrum life and make me feel a little more complete. A feeling of accomplishment. I don't think I could stand being humiliated on American Idol and I don't really have any real skills for any other TV show. Hell I barely watch TV.

Right now it is blarring in the back ground as usual. Everyday it is blarring on. I am in a completely different room and it sounds like it is in the room with me. Is this what life has become?

3 questions need to be asked:

1. Has work become so hard that we have no time for socializing or spending quality time with one another?

2. are we so lazy that we don't want to spend time building relationships?

3. Is it that even if we wanted to do something that doesn't involve TV are we afraid no one else will join in our cause?

Maybe its the funnyons.

Well I am going to try and write when I can. I am planning a wedding, building website and working 50 hours a week so it will be a slow process.

For those reading... be well.